Read Karen Bernardo's commentary on Updike's "A & P" at this site: http://www.storybites.com/updikeaandp2.htm .
Notice how she interweaves the voice lessons of detail, diction, tone, and imagery into a single essay. Her examples connect Updike's stylistic choices to what she sees as his theme, "a contrast of worldviews: the conservative...against the free-spirited."
Post some examples of where you see Bernardo using the "voice lessons." What does she do successfully? Where do you disagree with her assumptions or evidence? What can you learn from her style writing to use in your own?
7 comments:
Benardo uses the voice lessons tone, imagery, and detail. She uses imagery in her example when she says "queenies white shoulders dawned on him." She ueses tone when she uses the quote"This isn't the beach." Uses tone beacuse of how lengel says this remark to the girls. She also uses tone when she uses the quote"You didn't have to embarass them." Which is what sammy says when he decieds to quit because the manager was rude to the girls and he wanted to seem like their hero. Bernardo also uses detail when she says"Feel so faint." and"patting his mouth and looking after them, sizing up their joints." She uses the detail to show her point. I think she does use these voice lessons sucessfully. I can learn to better incorporate quotes into my writting and to make my points less simple.
Benardo uses the voice lessons imagery, tone and detail. Benardo uses tone when she uses the quote from Mr.Lengel when he says "This isn’t the beach". This is tone because of how he makes the remark in a smart alec sort of way as if the girls didnt realize that they werent at the beach. Bernardo uses imagery when she describes how the other customers act when they see queenis shoulders she use the image of how they reacted and she says "when Queenie’s white shoulders dawned on them,kind of jerk, or hop, or hiccup, but their eyes snapped back to their own baskets and on they pushed." The image she creates is so vivid that you can honestly picture it when you read it. Benardo also uses detail from the voice lessons to help make her point about what is happening in the story such as the quote "patting his mouth and looking after them, sizing up their joints." putting emphisis on the fact it is sort of an important part.
I never thought of that contrast between Mr. Lengel and the three girls before. Even though i might not completely agree with her opinion i think that, that was a very good thesis and observation. I relly like how Bernardo interwieves her evidence into her paragraphs and it enhances her own syntax within the piece. The imagery that she used as examples in her piece were great choices and cleary connect to her origanal thesis. I like her reference to "us" being Mr. Lengel and the town and the concieved attitude they carry, again it really helps reinforce her thesis. I think for the voice lessons she really concentrates on imagery and detail and used them in a way that that flowed with her writing (her own syntax), and these voice lessons that she focuses on support her thesis very well. I do not really agree with her thesis, but she did such a good job with supporting it and useing the voice lessons correctly with in her piece, so i think it was very well written.
Bernardo uses diction when she describes the contrast of world views between Mr. Lengel, and the teenage girls. "the conservative, conventional, and stoic (represented by Mr. Lengel) against the free-spirited, individualistic, and non-conformist (represented by the teenage girls)." Then he uses imagery by the quote "You could see them, when Queenie’s white shoulders dawned on them." Describing the look of the teenage girl that is the leader. She shows detail by talking about "To confine oneself to Mr. Lengel’s view of society is to condemn oneself to the ordinary." going back to the diction on the store owner and the girls. The only place I would have to disagree with her is her opion "but it will only be hard in the sense that Sammy will forever be forced to buck the Lengels of the world." Only because I didn't see that this way. I thought of it as more of a leason for sammy and a growing up experance that he learns that it may not be easy to stand up for what he believes but he should always stand up for what he believes is right. I did learn how to connect the voice lessons in with my thesis better because Bernardo does a really good job at doing this.
Bernardo uses imagery when she quotes "You could see them, when Queenie’s white shoulders dawned on them, kind of jerk, or hop, or hiccup, but their eyes snapped back to their own baskets and on they pushed." Also when she descirbes the older clerk, McMahon, begins "patting his mouth and looking after them, sizing up their joints."
More evidence of her notice of imagery is when she explains how Sammy uses the word "sheep" for the run-of-the-mill customers who plod through the store, pushing their shopping carts, following their prescribed routes.
Bernardo uses the voice lessons through imagery, tone, and detail. Imagery is shown through "When Queenie’s white shoulders dawned on them, kind of jerk, or hop, or hiccup, but their eyes snapped back to their own baskets and on they pushed." The diction could be shown by the comparison between Mr. lengel and the girls "the conservative, conventional, and stoic against the free-spirited, individualistic, and non-conformist." The sheep description is an example of the detail in Bernardo's commentary.
Bernardo does and excellent job of embedding the voice lessons in her piece. She retells the story with meaning and feeling; thus vitalizing the voice lessons.
"For example, Updike notes that as soon as the three girls appear in the A & P, the "sheep" -- Sammy’s word for the run-of-the-mill customers who plod through the store, pushing their shopping carts, following their prescribed routes -- react to their presence with amazement; "You could see them, when Queenie’s white shoulders dawned on them, kind of jerk, or hop, or hiccup, but their eyes snapped back to their own baskets and on they pushed." "
Bernardo embeds updike's diction, "sheep", and his meaning of this word withing her statement. She also includes the imagery of "Queenie's white shoulders" and how their eyes would dart over to Queenie and her chubs and then back.
I can learn to tell the story and not worry about stating what voice lesson i am talking about as long as I explain the meaning. The reader will understand whether it is diction, tone, or imagery.
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